Appletree Day Care, Inc

Parenting

Are You Present with Your Children?

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How often are you fully and completely present when you are with your children? One of the greatest gifts we can give to our children is to be fully present with them. Being fully present can often be a big challenge.

When my children were growing up, I worked full time as a counselor, wrote books, traveled on book tours, and pursued my passion as an artist – in addition to spending time with my husband. The only way I could be fully present when I was with my children was to set aside “time alone” with them. “Time alone” was the daily quality time I spent with each of my children, doing whatever they wanted to do. During this time, I did not answer the phone or deal with the many running issues. It was time set aside to be fully present with them, not even thinking about other things.

When you don’t spend quality time being fully present, the message you give to your children is that they are not important. When answering the phone, or getting things done, or thinking about what you have to do tomorrow is more important than being present with your children, they get the message that being with them and knowing them is not very important to you.

When I was growing up, my mother was always busy. She never had the time to be with me. She never wanted to know about my thoughts and feelings or how things were going at school. She never had the time to play with me or hang out with me. While she said that she loved me and that I was important to her, I never felt it. Words don’t cut it when the actions don’t follow.

If it is not important to you to be with your children – talking with them, playing with them, taking a walk, holding them, listening to them, sharing love with them – then they will likely not feel loved by you. No matter how many things you buy them or how often you tell them you love them, if they are not important enough to you to be with them, they will likely not feel loved and cherished by you.

Your children need your focused attention, and when they don’t get it, they may pull for it in various ways. They may chatter on and on, trying to keep your attention. They may act out by fighting with each other, or by not listening to you, or going into resistance regarding chores, homework, hygiene, bedtime, and so on. For many children, even negative attention feels better than no attention. This may create a very negative vicious circle, in that the more they act out, the less you feeling like being with them, but the less you are with them lovingly and attentively, the more they may act out.

Think about how you feel when someone gives you his or her full attention. Doesn’t it feel wonderful? How often does someone look you in the eyes and give you his or her full attention? How often do you feel listened to and heard by someone? Unfortunately, many people are so intent on being listened to and heard that they don’t listen and hear.

The simple act of being fully present with your children will do more for them than you can imagine. You have an opportunity to give your children a great gift – being fully present with them with your love, compassion, empathy, interest, sense of humor, playfulness, and affection. Each day, you have the opportunity, even if it is just for half an hour, to fully cherish them.

They grow up so fast. Don’t miss this opportunity each day.

Easy Ways to Teach Your Children to be Grateful for What They Have

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Here are some easy ways to incorporate instilling the virtue of gratitude in your children. Then, as you go through your day, show them the wonderful events behind the scenes that we most usually take for granted.

  1. Set the Right Example.

Teach them by using the appropriate words at the right times yourself. For example, how many parents do you see saying “Thank You” to their two or three-year-old children? For example, kids learn best, and teaching gratitude is no different than anything else in that respect. “Children Learn What They Live!”

  1. Teach It Through Role-Playing.

You can play games with your children that implement the virtue of gratitude. For example, play the second chair and practice showing them how it feels to be on the receiving end of an unexpected “Thank You!”

  1. Teach by Showing Them How to Be of Service to Others.

Even simple things such as holding a door for an older adult are small ways to show them how others appreciate us and our actions. It is also a way to put a smile and a lift into a stranger’s day, which always creates a good feeling within the person who is doing the kind act.

You would be surprised how often a simple gesture like this can occur in your normal daily activities, in places like grocery stores, doctors’ offices, or shopping trips.

  1. Make a List.

It is an easy way to get them to make lists of what they are thankful for and how each thing makes their life better.

  1. Teach Gratitude While Going Without Things.

Recently my family and I had to deal with a full 24 hours of no power. This outage caused by a storm was an ideal opportunity for me to teach my children what we had to be thankful for that we normally took for granted. Simple things like lights, heat, and watching TV were just a few that quickly came to mind.

  1. Show them How to Be Thankful for the Little Things in Life.

As in the previous example, although most of us would not consider heat and light little things, they are always there for our kids, so they are simple things that they usually don’t pay much attention.

Other simple examples could include; having food to eat all the time, friends to play with, and having plenty of toys and school supplies. Showing them examples of third-world country children who go without these things is a way of teaching them an appreciation for what they have.

  1. Teach them to see the good in someone they don’t like.

You can even use a negative experience to teach them the value of being grateful. When I think of this, immediately what comes to my mind is the Walt Disney movie “PollyAnna,” where she played the “Glad” game and found many things to be grateful for in every situation she encountered. Renting this video, watching and discussing it with them would be a great, gratitude-building quality time family activity.

As you go through your day, show them the wonderful events behind the scenes that we often take for granted. For instance, things like the police, who protect us, the firemen who are there for those who need them, and the clerk at the grocery store doing her job to help us get our food. Simple thank you comments to all of these daily activities is the easiest way to model appreciation that your children will learn and emulate.

How to Get Your Children to Go to Bed

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Even though they know that they are tired, some children do not want to miss out on any of the action or excitement. They want to spend as much time with mom and dad as possible. They can even see that they have to go to bed before their parents as unjust and even cruel. These types of children will want to disrupt and even avoid going to bed at all costs.

I have two young children and have been through this experience myself. My daughter especially needs her sleep and can be very moody in the mornings if she has not had enough sleep. As a parent, it can become very frustrating and upsetting when you see your child crying because they do not want to go to bed. Comments like, please, dad, just one more program or game were far too regular, and at times I felt like backing down.

I have learned from reading many books on parenting how to best deal with this situation. Each child now has a set time when they have to be in bed. This is a time that they have both agreed.

They get changed into their pajamas around half an hour before this time and can either spend that period playing with their toys or watching the television. If they want to play, we ensure that the games are relaxing ones and not too energetic.

If there is a program that is on later than their agreed bedtimes, I agree to record it for them; this way, they know that they are not missing out.

I have agreed that I will read them a story at bedtime. This is something they both love and helps them to wind down and relax. They are also given a drink of water before bed. Therefore there is no need for them to keep coming downstairs for a drink of water after bedtime.

I have explained to each child the importance of sleep and that it should be something to enjoy and not see as punishment. I have even gone as far as saying that I would love to go to bed when they do; unfortunately, I have things to prepare for the next day.

I have tried to make their bedrooms their special place. A place that they find fun, relaxing, and comfortable.

My son likes to hear music, so we play his favorite songs in his room. The volume is set quite low, and this certainly helps him to get to sleep quite quickly.

These tips have helped make our children’s bedtimes a pleasant experience, where it once was a struggle. The children themselves are now into a routine, a routine they are happy with. I hope this advice proves useful to you as well. Good luck.

 

Ten Reasons to Read to Your Child

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We all know that learning to read is important, but as parents, what can we do to facilitate this milestone?

Reading to your child has many benefits, one of which is simply having time to snuggle together.

Here are ten reasons to read to your child.

1.When you read to your child, he/she will learn that reading is important to you, therefore reading will become important to him/her.

2.The more your child hears sounds, the better he/she will process these sounds into words. When a child is preschool/kindergarten age, the listening word starts to become the written word.

3.Reading has a calming effect on a restless or fussy child. Who doesn’t want an easy way to calm a fussy child?

4.Reading is a wonderful before bed routine. Studies have shown that a child will thrive in an atmosphere in which routines are present.

5.Reading will help to develop your child’s imagination. Have you ever gotten lost in a good book? Your child can do the same while you are reading to him/her.

6.Reading will foster your child’s ability to listen and pay attention. With all the problems we hear concerning attention spans, this is a great way to avoid that.

7.Reading to a young child will teach him/her the correct way to hold a book and turn the pages.

8.Reading to your child will develop in him/her the desire to become a reader.

9.Teachers will thank you.

10.When a child is read a personalized storybook, he/she will be able to recognize his/her name in print at an early age.

Isn’t it exciting to think that you can have such an effect on your child’s ability to readjust by reading to him/her? You have the power to develop a lifelong joy of reading and learning in your child. WOW! Just read.